[Originally published in 2013]
(Just one quick query for you, reader, before you proceed, “What do you think is the most common question that people often ask at a Speed Dating event?”)
A Room Full of Strangers
In the aftermath of the Sorry-I-do-not-understand-German incident (Story #1), I became even more determined to become fluent in this fearful language. With a view to making the most of my time here in Germany, I signed up for an intensive German course at the Deutsch Akademie where I had German classes four days a week and 3 hours a day.
So my first German class started in a tentative yet exciting atmosphere. After a 30-minute “Speed Dating” session where each of us had 3 minutes to get to know another person, I started to feel overwhelmed with the big mountain of new information given by my 9 classmates while still trying to familiarize myself with them.
Although the most common types of information about a person (such as name, country of origin, hobbies, …) were quite enough to make my reserved temperament chill out a bit, I still could not help but keep regarding them as “strangers”. Not really that kind of strangers you bump into on the street since I at least already knew their names and where they originally came from, but in my head they were somehow listed only as “the Spanish kitchen helpers Jeremias and Marco”, “the elite-looking British philosophy student Rebecca”, “the tiny Portuguese science teacher Olga”, “the Asian-American nerdy-looking journalist Lisa …” and so on.
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The Question That Changed Everything
Yet after one week, one simple thing happened that changed all my initial perceptions of these classmates, and I guess changed theirs as well.
That was when our German lesson on that day introduced the topic of different types of professions. Encouraging us to practice our speaking skills, the teacher asked each person to give her answer to the question of “Was ist dein Traumberuf?” Yes, “What is your DREAM job?”.
I was honestly a tad taken aback. It’s always easy to tell people what your job is; but how about your DREAM job? Have I ever truly considered it? The seemingly simple question suddenly turned out so hard.
“The Spanish kitchen helper Jeremias”, who was always the most energetic and assertive, said he would love to own a hotel. If someday he could successfully run a hotel of his own, he promised he would be kind to all the kitchen helpers who worked there.
“The Asian-American nerdy-looking journalist Lisa” took her turn after that. Giving an unusual sheepish grin, she said she wanted to be a romantic novelist. I eyed her in amazement, “My God, never in a million years can I believe that this serious lady, who has been seen talking about only politics and economics so far, could ever want to be so soft-hearted, cheesy and sensitive as to write the next Twilight-style series.”
What the next person shared was no less surprising. After some tentative “Well” and “Urg…”, “the tiny Portuguese science teacher Olga” came out with the most unexpected answer of the day: Her dream job, which she rarely told anybody, was Gleitschirm-Fluglehrer (English: Paragliding instructor). No one could help but utter “Wow” in astonishment while Olga’s eyes glistened with enthusiasm.
Shy yet certain, my answer was the last one to answer that day. Everybody smiled at me. “Very nice, indeed”, commented the teacher before we went ahead.
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Seeing Beyond Labels
From that moment until the very last day of our German course, things gradually changed. People started to become more open, though not in a sense that they became less reserved or more garrulous. When Jeremias told me how hard it was to have to work in Berlin as a kitchen helper despite his college degree back in Spain, I asked him for more details not because I wanted to socialize. Because I cared.
There seemed to be an emotional connection between us strangers – an invisible link that bound us – after that day. Is it because humans’ inner dreams and hopes are universal and are inextricably bound with each other? Is it how all of us should regard one another: no more shallow judgements based on specious information, but rather authentic empathy with the others’ inner selves?
Our backgrounds might differ greatly, but we all share dreams, hope, fear, love…, and all the quintessense of humanity which are not meant to be discovered just by looking at who we are, where we come from or what kind of job we do. Once we understand this point, we will realize that discrimination, stereotypes or any kind of attitudes provoked by superficial judgements are pointless in the end. Deep down inside we are all the same, and that very uniformity connects us all despite being masked by social circumstances.
And I wonder to myself, will I empathize more with others if next time when I meet a stranger, I know not only about her superficial features such as jobs, nationality … but also the more subtle ones – their inner qualities as well? What is her biggest challenge in life? Has she fulfilled her childhood dream and if not, what is preventing her? What is her strongest belief? What does she most fear? …
How many times have we missed a chance to get to know somebody better, to know the real him or her and eliminate our initial stereotypes, just because we have not asked the “right” question?